Falling Back To You
by shadesofgrey725
Summary: Four years after Derek picks Addison, Meredith is still putting her life back together while raising her son. She's living in Boston. But, when work brings her back to Seattle Grace, the beautiful control she established completely unravels. CH. 7 UP!
1. Bittersweet Memories

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Sigh.

**Author's Note:** This is my first GA fic. Constructive criticism is welcome! 

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**Chapter 1: Bittersweet Memories**

Meredith Grey woke with a start as her alarm pierced through the silence of her modest home. A thick layer of rain and dismal clouds shielded the sun from hitting her bedroom windows. Reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed. Her room was too quiet; she had never adjusted to solitude very well. She walked quietly to the adjoining bedroom.

"Patrick?" she called gently, entering the room and crossing to the bed where her son lay, sleeping soundly. "Honey, I know it's early, but it's time to get up." Patrick opened his sleep-ridden, bright green eyes and mumbled, not wanting to get up. Meredith ruffled her son's dark brown, wavy hair and said, "Come on honey. Time to get up."

After much convincing on Meredith's part, Patrick got out of bed and dressed. Meredith dashed back to her room and dressed for another busy day of work at Boston General Hospital, where she was a third year resident. A few minutes later, she poured Patrick a bowl of cereal while helping herself to some Muesli. She sighed as she peered at the Muesli box.

"Mommy," Patrick asked innocently, "why do you look so sad?"

"No reason," Meredith answered, placing the Muesli back on the table. "Eat up, or else we'll be late."

Meredith pulled into the parking lot of Patrick's pre-school and walked him inside the building, still reminiscing about the past. It's not like she disliked her life now; she loved Patrick very much and was wholly determined to be a much better mother than her own mother had been. It had been four entire years since she had begun this new life, but it was still hard. Burying the past is not as easy as it sounds. Boston wasn't her favorite place, she thought as she drove to work, but it was home. At least, it was the only place left that she could call home.

There was nothing left for her in Seattle. Derek had decided to stay with Addison and Meredith's mother passed away not too long after that. Her father still refused to admit to her existence, so there wasn't much point in staying for him. Still, even with Patrick filling many of the holes in her life, she felt very alone. It was extremely difficult, even four years later, not to think about Derek, especially since Patrick was a spitting image of him. But, Meredith held her head high nonetheless and took each day in stride, hoping for the best.

Meredith rushed into the automatic doors of Boston General and prepared herself for a busy day. Several surgeries were scheduled, so she had a lot to keep her mind busy throughout the morning. Early afternoon, after successful operating on three patients, Dr. Griffiths, an attending and the BGH's head of cardio, approached her.

"Grey," Dr. Griffiths said, "do you have any more surgeries scheduled this afternoon?"

"No," Meredith answered.

"Great. Dr. Cane is out today, so I need someone to fly out for a heart recovery. It has to be done today."

"Ok, I'm free, but I'll have to bring my son with me, if that's okay."

"That should be fine, as long as you're ready to leave in a few hours."

"Ok," Meredith answered, "Where am I headed?"

"Seattle Grace," Griffiths answered. 

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**A/N:** Ok, I know this was a very short chapter, but if I get some reviews, I'll update quickly. Thanks for reading! 


	2. Walking into a Dream

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, the season 3 finale would have been much happier for MerDer fans...

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for the reviews! It was extremely heartening and it is why I updated so quickly! Constructive criticism is definitely still welcomed- I'm always up for improvement. 

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**Chapter 2: Walking into a Dream **

Ok," Meredith answered, "Where am I headed?"

"Seattle Grace," Griffiths answered. Meredith nearly dropped her bag as she heard this with disbelief. She had gone to such great lengths to escape Seattle, and now she would be going back. She hardly knew how to react to this; she simply stood in stunned silence. However, when she realized that she still had to pick up her son and gather some things from her house, she got moving.

Three hours later, Meredith and Patrick walked hand-in-hand onto the state-of-the-art jet that would facilitate the organ recovery. Meredith clasped Patrick's tiny hand with hers, which was shaking considerably.

As the plane took off, she felt as if she had left her stomach and most of the rest of her internal organs back in Boston. Patrick fell asleep quickly, his dark brown hair ruffled against the back of the seat, leaving Meredith to reminisce alone with her thoughts.

She remembered her last day at Seattle Grace very distinctly. It was the day after Derek had broken the news to Meredith that he would be staying with Addison. Meredith had already known that she was pregnant, but she found no point in telling Derek and was too angry and hurt to even consider it.

On that rainy and miserable day in Seattle, she walked into Chief Webber's office with tears in her eyes. She told him of her situation and asked for a transfer to Boston, where her mother used to work. The Chief, having known Meredith his entire life, was sympathetic and called BGH right away.

BGH was eager to employ Meredith, because of the legacy that her mother had left behind, being BGH's chief of surgery for several years. Meredith thanked Dr. Webber profusely and then imploringly asked that Dr. Webber make no mention of her pregnancy to anyone, especially Derek. Looking sadly at Meredith's tearful face, he agreed to not tell a soul.

After the arrangements were made, Meredith still had to break the news to the people that had helped to make Seattle become home for her: George, Izzie, Alex, and most of all, her best friend Christina. When she told them, they were so shocked that they did not know how to take the news. It felt like only yesterday that Christina had said, "Why pick up and move your entire life just because of that McBastard? What about your career?"

As painful as it was, Meredith insisted that George and Izzie still live in her house. They would continue to pay rent, so the only thing that would change would be that Meredith would no longer be there. Meredith's fellow interns tried to reason with her and convince her to stay, but Meredith knew that she had to get away.

In the end, they understood. They promised not to breathe a word of Meredith's pregnancy to Derek, just as they promised to not tell Derek where she had moved. It took a lot of strength for Meredith to disentangle herself from her life in Seattle, but it went fairly smoothly, given the complicated nature of the situation. Within a week after her meeting with Dr. Webber, she was settled into an apartment in Boston and starting her first day at BGH.

Meredith's mind snapped back to the presence as the nose of the plane began to dip, beginning the descent to Seattle. She was not surprised that thick layers of clouds covered the city and rain pouring incessantly down. The weather strongly reflected the heaviness that weighed on her heart upon returning to the place where many painful memories resided. She prodded Patrick gently awake as the jet landed gently and flawlessly on the ground.

Meredith and the rest of the team involved in the organ recovery rushed off to Seattle Grace Hospital. Holding Patrick's hand tightly, Meredith tried to catch her breath as she looked upon the imposing hospital for the first time in four years. From the outside, it looked like not even a day had gone by. Nothing looked different, but everything was different. Everything was so unbearably different.

She and the team of four others entered the doors of the hospital. Meredith took Patrick to the in-hospital day care center. "Honey," she said gently to Patrick, kissing him on the forehead and looking into his bright green eyes, "you'll have to stay here, but only for a few hours. Mommy just has to make sure the heart is still in good condition and then we can go home."

Meredith re-joined her heart recovery team and gazed around the hospital as they made their way to the surgical wing. So far, she hadn't seen any familiar faces. It was busy as she remembered it. Numerous unfamiliar doctors and nurses rushed through the halls, preparing for procedures and rushing to patients' aid.

The experience of just being back in the building was overwhelming. They entered the ever-so-familiar elevator to the surgical floor. Once they were there, it felt like the elevator door was opening in slow motion. Meredith could hear her heart pounding in her chest. The team exited the elevator, and Meredith followed, expecting only the unexpected.

They passed the familiar OR board, and Meredith saw enough of it to glimpse a few familiar names. They walked straight into OR 1, so Meredith did not have much more time to look around. The team established that the donor was stable, but they just had to wait a few hours to see if the heart could withstand the heavy medications that the donor was placed under.

Meredith walked slowly out OR 1 with a surreal feeling. She could just not believe that she was back, after all of this time. At the surgical floor desk, Meredith spotted George filling out some paperwork. He looked like the same reliable George as he distractedly used the back of his pen to scratch the tip of his nose. She did not know if she could face him, or anyone at that matter. Ignoring the feeling that she was about to pass out, Meredith approached George cautiously.

"George?" she whispered, barely three feet away from him. He looked up and dropped the pen he was holding in surprise.

"Meredith!" he exclaimed. He abandoned his paperwork to pull Meredith into a tight hug. Barely able to suppress her tears, she talked to him, and it felt like no time had passed. Meredith had kept in correspondence with her friends, but they weren't able to visit each other because of their busy schedules. She knew that George was married to a Dr. Torres that she had never met, but she was still missing out on the details of their lives.

They talked for a few minutes, but not long after, George received an urgent page, so he had to go. He gave Meredith a quick hug then departed at a run.

Meredith wiped her eyes quickly and started to walk away from the desk, unable to shake the feeling that she had walked into a dream, visiting a part of her distant past. She looked up just as Derek, the Derek Shepherd, her ex-McDreamy, walked out of OR 2. He looked slightly stressed and exhausted, but otherwise, he looked just as she remembered him.

She could spot a couple of gray hairs from her vantage point, and his eyes were more careworn, but it was still him. He was as handsome as ever and walked with the same confidence, but is was tainted by a hint of sadness. Her heart, which was already throbbing painfully in her chest, gave a jolt as supressed memories came rushing back. She couldn't believe it; it was him.

He hadn't seen her yet. He began to walk in the opposite direction, but then he glanced casually in her direction and, once he saw her, did a double-take and stopped dead in his tracks. For a moment, they both stood still, eyes locked, frozen in time. 

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**A/N: **I hoped you liked it! More updates are on the way. Please, please review!


	3. Homeward Bound

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I'd probably be on the set with McDreamy…

**Author's Note:** I love you guys for reviewing! It makes me write so much faster! Thanks so much!

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**Chapter 3: Homeward Bound**

Meredith felt as if all the air had evaporated out of her lungs in one rushing moment. She could only see Derek; everything else around her was just fuzzy, blurred lines, unimportant and extraneous details. Then, as quickly as it had left, reality set in.

Derek stood there, also momentarily frozen, the shock evident in his handsome features. The sadness and hurt she detected in his eyes became much more pronounced as he looked at Meredith, even from as far away as he was. When he regained his senses, he began to walk towards her. Meredith did the only thing that made sense. She couldn't stay there. She followed here instincts, turned around, and sped towards the elevator.

Two doctors exited the elevator, leaving no remaining occupants. Meredith slid nimbly inside and jabbed blindly at the floor buttons. She didn't care where she was going; she just wanted to get away. The doors began to slide together. Inches from closing, a strong hand roughly forced them opened again.

Derek forced his way into the elevator, a blazing and determined expression ingrained in his features. The doors closed and the elevator began to move. Meredith didn't care where the elevator was going, though. To her, the movement was senseless, because she felt as if the entire world had gone still.

Derek reached forward, cautiously but determinedly, and placed a hand on the crook of her arm.

"Meredith," he said simply, unable to find words to express the emotions that her sudden apparition evoked.

Even after years apart, Meredith found in hard not to get lost in those amazing eyes of his. But, she gave herself a mental shake and attempted to regain her composure. She shook her arm from Derek's grasp and took a step away, pressing her back against the wall of the elevator.

"Meredith," he repeated, stepping towards her tentatively.

"Stop," Meredith said, her voice shaking but firm. "You can't do this."

"Do what?" he asked. "I can't talk to you?"

"You have no right. After what you did--"

"I tried to find you," he interjected. "I looked everywhere. No one told me where you were. Richard--"

"You had no right to know," she said. Her voice was regaining some strength, but tears began to pour steadily down her reddened cheeks. "Why would anyone in their right mind tell you where to find me? I had to leave. You left me with no choice."

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I made a huge mistake. I had to try with Addison. I had to fight for my marriage. But, it was the wrong thing to do. I should have picked you."

"But you didn't. You picked Addison and that's the end of it." She punched in the number for the surgical floor. The sooner she could complete the heart recovery, the sooner she and Patrick would be going back to Boston and away from this disaster.

"Meredith, things are different now. Addison and I have been divorced for years. Things have changed." He needed her to understand. "I love--" The elevator doors slid open.

"You're right. Things are different. _Everything_ is different!" Meredith exclaimed, rushing past Derek and onto the surgical floor once again. She walked straight into the scrub room to meet up with her team. She impatiently brushed the tears from her face as the members of her team looked at her quizzically.

After scrubbing in, she assisted with the heart recovery. It went fairly smoothly. After the procedure was complete, the heart was placed in a plastic red cooler and rushed off to the jet where the team would immediately take it back to Seattle.

"Come on, let's move out," one of her team members instructed.

"I need to go get Patrick," Meredith stated as she scrubbed out. "I'll meet you at the jet."

She exited the OR without a sideward glance, in case Derek was nearby. She hurried to the staircase and down to the main floor where the day care center was located. When she was nearly at the doors, she collided with someone who was also walking very fast.

"I'm sor--" she began to say, but her voice was silenced when she realized whom she had crashed into.

"Meredith?" she exclaimed, surprise evident in her voice.

"Izzie! Wow…I didn't think I would see you." Though she looked happy to see Meredith, she also looked worried and sad. "What's wrong?"

"I heard you were here," Izzie began. "I came to find you. It's Burke. He was just killed in a car accident. Christina's devastated…"

"Oh no…Where is she?" She hadn't been there for her friends for the past few years, but her best friend needed her right now.

"She's at the house—your house," Izzie answered. "I was just about to drive back there actually."

"I'm coming with you," Meredith stated firmly. "Just give me one second."

Without another word, she sped off into the day care, signed out Patrick, swept him up in her arms, and carried him back to where Izzie was still standing.

"Is this…" Izzie began.

"Yes," Meredith replied, answered the unfinished question without hesitation. "This is my son, Patrick."

Meredith followed Izzie quickly out of the hospital and into the parking lot, where rain was still falling steadily. She pulled Patrick to close to her with one arm as she used the other to punch the number of one of her team members in her cell phone.

"Roberts?" she said tersely. "Something urgent came up. Go ahead and take the heart back and I'll book a flight at the airport. Okay, bye."

She hung up her phone with resolution and a sigh. She, Izzie, and Patrick piled into Izzie's car, fighting through the persistent downpour that had left a majority of the parking lot in one continuous puddle.

They sped off to the house that Meredith had not seen in four years—her house, her mother's house. After all this time, she was going home.

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**A/N:** I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Please keep reviewing and I'll try to update soon! 


	4. I'll Always Be Here For You

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy….not yet anyways. (haha jk)

**Author's Note:** Thanks again for the reviews! Sorry for the delay in updating…it's been a busy couple of days. But, now I have time again, so yay! Thanks so much for hanging in there!

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**Chapter 4: I'll Always Be Here For You**

Izzie's car was barely to a stop in the driveway before Meredith hopped out into the rain and ran up to the front door, Patrick's hand held tightly in her own. Without knocking (it was still her house, after all), she wrenched open the door and was inside before Izzie had even properly parked.

She was not too surprised to discover that the house looked mostly the same. The same familiar smell filled her nostrils as she closed the front door, and the furniture and decorating had not changed. But, she wasn't visiting here to look for changes in the house. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the living room couch, where a huddled figure sat in despair.

"Christina," Meredith stated sadly. She gently let go of Patrick's hand and rushed over to her side. She was wrapped up in a blanket, surrounded by Kleenex, and her face was soaked with tears. She held onto the blanket with one hand and clutched a few Kleenex in the other.

Without another word, Meredith sat next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Christina sobbed even louder and collapsed her head onto Meredith's shoulder, like someone who had given up on the world.

Izzie closed the front door and attempted to wring some of the rainwater out of her long hair. She said something about muffins to Patrick and led him into the kitchen. Meredith continued to sit there with Christina, who sobbed steadily.

After a few minutes, Christina was able to speak enough to force out a few syllables. "Mer," she whispered, her voice shaky and raspy. "When did you…?" Her voice trailed off, and the momentary quiet and stillness was broken by renewed sobs. "He's gone! I c-can't believe it!"

"Shh," Meredith said gently. "I'm here for you now."

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After a great deal more sobbing, Meredith helped Christina upstairs so she could rest in one of the bedrooms. Although the downstairs looked mostly the same, the upstairs was a different story.

Meredith's bedroom was vacated and uninhabited. It was relatively empty except for the bed, dresser, and a few moving boxes in the corner, filled with items that Meredith didn't want to bring to Boston. Although she said that someone else could take the vacant room, her past roommates left it empty.

About two years ago, George got married and moved in with his wife. Alex had moved into George's old room.

Meredith led Christina into her past bedroom. She helped Christina get settled in, and walked out to the hallway, closing the door behind her.

Back in the kitchen, Patrick was happily eating a chocolate muffin and drinking a glass of milk. Meredith ruffled his thick head of black hair and sighed deeply. She wished she could be more helpful to Christina. Sure, she had to grieve after the fiasco of Derek choosing Addison, but that pain was much different than the pain of someone actually dying. Meredith's mother had died the previous year, but her past with her mother and her mother's Alzheimer changed the situation quite a bit.

Meredith sat heavily down at the table next to Patrick. She felt exhausted and drained. The combination of Christina's grief and being back in Seattle was overwhelming. She ran her hands distractedly through her hair and massaged her aching temples.

It looked like she and Patrick were going to be staying for at least a few days. Luckily, she had thought to bring an overnight bag for herself and Patrick, in case the heart recovery took longer than anticipated. But, she would need to buy some more clothes and things for them if they were to stay any longer than a night or two.

After Meredith forced herself to eat something, Alex got home from his shift at the hospital. Once he realized that she and Meredith would be staying for a couple of days, he graciously gave up his bedroom and offered to change the sheets for them. Both taken aback and pleasantly surprised by this offer (when did Alex get so nice? Meredith wondered), she accepted.

After helping Patrick get changed and settled into bed, Meredith took a hot shower with hopes that it might give her back some of the energy that seemed to have disappeared since she returned to Seattle.

Twenty minutes later, she was dressed in her Dartmouth shirt and sweatpants and was towel-drying her hair in the bathroom.

"Mer?" Izzie called, knocking softly on the door. "You have a visitor."

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**A/N:** There wasn't much action in this chapter, but I wanted to give some background about what everyone has been doing and what has happened since Meredith moved to Boston. I know that some of you were upset that I killed off Burke, but it was necessary for the plot. In this chapter, I wanted to focus on the friendship between Meredith and Christina, and I also wanted to emulate the grief that Christina was enduring at the end of the very-depressing season 3 finale. Please tell me what you think! I promise that there will be more action in the next chapter! 


	5. Finding My Way

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**Author's Note: **Thanks again for reading and reviewing! This chapter switches point of views, so it's a little different than the previous ones. I hope you like it!

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**Chapter 5: Finding My Way**

Meredith set her hair brush on the counter top and walked, as if in a trance, out of the bathroom and into the dimly-lit hallway. Who on earth would be visiting at this hour? She descended the stairs on her bare feet with soft, quiet footsteps. Halfway down the stairs, her hands clutching the railing, she discovered who was visiting.

It was Derek. Derek was standing by the door, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt, with his hands shoved casually in his pockets. On the contrary, his expression was anything but casual. He looked serious, not in a sad way, but in a determined way.

That look suited him. Meredith stopped in the middle of the flight of stairs as she tried not to get lost in those eyes yet again.

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When he saw Meredith on the stairs, he could hardly breathe. She was wearing that ratty Dartmouth shirt and her hair was still damp from her shower, but he had never seen her look more beautiful. As she walked down the stairs, holding the railing, she looked fragile. 

The simple act of seeing her and standing near her made him ache to hold her. He wanted so badly to put his arms around her take away her pain, make her strong again. His eyes burned as she stopped midway down the stairs.

He needed to get a hold of himself. With an imperceptible shake of his head, he mentally reminded himself that it had been four years. It had been four long years. It was difficult to remember that, though, because time seemed to slip away when he looked into her eyes.

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"Hey," Derek said finally, walking a few steps towards the stairs, his eyes glinting in the light from the hallway. 

"Hi," Meredith answered quietly. She descended the rest of the stairs and stood in front of him. It was really him. Her Derek was really in front of her, in her house, looking at her like nothing else in the world mattered. With an enormous amount of effort, she swallowed. It was surreal to be talking to him when she had spent the last few years trying to erase him from her life entirely.

"Why are you here?" Meredith asked, speaking no louder than a whisper.

"I needed to see you," Derek answered. "I needed to explain."

"Explain what?" Meredith crossed her arms, bracing herself for his words.

"I needed to explain to you that I made a terrible mistake. I have never loved anyone that way I love you. When you left, I realized the mistake I had made. I realized I had driven away the one person that could truly make me whole." He stepped closer to her, a blazing look in his eyes, and placed a hand on tenderly on her arm. "Meredith. I love you. I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you again."

Meredith's eyes welled up beyond her control. She wanted so much to hate him, to push him away and out of her life forever. But, she couldn't. All her efforts to push Derek away had only made her realize that she couldn't be without him unless she wanted to be completely miserable. As hard as it was to admit to herself, she needed him. Independent, single mom Meredith Grey needed Derek Shepherd.

Derek ran a hand gently through her hair and caressed her cheek. Both slowly and with urgency, he leaned in and touched his lips to hers.

Meredith responded immediately. She placed her hands on his chest and deepened the kiss, leaning into his body, relying on his strength to keep her standing. The years that they were apart melted away, leaving only what was true and raw: the simple fact that needed each other. Derek ran his arms down her arms, then pulled her tightly into him, never wanting to let go. Never in Meredith's memory had she felt this much hunger and passion and she did in this moment. She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and held on for dear life.

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So fully involved in their kiss, neither Derek nor Meredith noticed the young boy walking cautiously down the steps, a Teddy bear held loosely in his left hand. His dark hair was ruffled and unkempt and the sleep had not entirely left his bright, green eyes. 

"Mommy?" Patrick asked timidly, quizzically peering at the man whose lips were so firmly attached to his mother's. "Who's that?"

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**A/N: **Oh the angst…I hoped you liked this! Please review, even if you have negative things to say! Thanks so much! 


	6. Stay With Me

**Disclaimer: **I definitely don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, then season four would have started already…

**Author's Note:** Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I'm trying really hard to update faster! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 6: Stay With Me**

Derek and Meredith, who were brought back to reality by the small boy's voice, pulled apart from one another. For a moment, Derek was disoriented, his mind still reeling from the amazing kiss that he had experienced with Meredith. But then, the words the little boy had uttered began to register and filter piece by piece into his mind.

_Mommy?_ _Meredith was a mother?_

Turning his head slowly away from Meredith and toward the boy on the stairs, Derek opened his mouth wordlessly and his heart skipped a beat. The boy's eyes, which still looked puzzled and confused, were startlingly green. His thick head of dark hair, though unkempt, seemed to suit the boy very well. Though small, he looked like he was tall for his age.

The look of shock was so complete and apparent on Derek's face that, in that moment, someone probably could have knocked him over with a feather and he would have not realized it.

"Wh-" Derek stammered, attempting to find words to express this sudden and entirely unexpected apparition.

Meredith looked from Derek to Patrick nervously, trying to figure out a way to introduce the two complete strangers.

"Why didn't you tell me that you have a son?" Derek asked quietly, sharply turning his head to face Meredith with a piercing stare.

"Well--" Meredith began. She really had no idea what to say. She stood still for a moment, meeting Derek's stare, mentally and emotionally bracing herself for what was inevitably going to come.

"How old is he?" Derek questioned, though he already knew the answer. Even after one glance of the boy, it was unmistakable to Derek who the father was.

"He's three," Meredith answered quietly and awkwardly. She clasped her thin fingers together nervously and looked up the steps at Patrick.

"Patrick, honey," she said with as much calm in her voice as she could muster, "why don't you go back upstairs to bed. I'll be upstairs a little bit later."

Patrick nodded his head and gave one last curious look at the visiting stranger. He clutched his Teddy bear tightly to his chest, turned around, and walked back upstairs.

"Derek-" Meredith said, once again peering into his eyes, in which the pain was visible. Derek broke their gaze and looked down at the floor. Looking at the floor, he slowly shook his head side to side, as if attempting to shake himself back to reality.

"How could you not tell me?" he asked, turning his head to look at Meredith in anger. "How could you not tell me that I have a son? It's unbelievable."

He gave one glance up the stairs where Patrick had been and distractedly ran his fingers through his hair. He turned sharply on his heel and headed for the front door. He wrenched it open and walked briskly toward his car.

Meredith sprinted outside after him, not even bothering to close the front door.

"Derek!" she called desperately. "Stop!"

Shaking with anger, Derek turned around and glared at Meredith.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek questioned, shaking with anger.

"How could I tell you?" Meredith answered, her eyes brimming with tears. "You had just dumped me for your wife! I didn't want to have anything to do with you!"

"I could have helped you take care of him. I could have been there for him." Derek responded, his fists clenched as an attempt to stem some of his anger.

"Oh yeah, that would have been great. I'm sure Addison would have _loved_ for you to visit your ex-mistress and your illegitimate child. I'm sure you would have invited us to family dinners and introduce us to all your relatives," Meredith spat sarcastically. Tears were streaming steadily down her face, but she was also pulsing with anger.

"I know I messed up by staying with Addison, but now you're telling me that I have a three-year-old son who has no idea that I'm his father?" Derek retaliated, staring at Meredith with pain and contempt.

Meredith brushed impatiently at the tears streaming endlessly down her cheeks, and said, "What else could I have--"

"What did you tell him about his father?" Derek interrupted.

"I just told him that his father was a doctor too, but that he couldn't be with us," Meredith answered. "He's always asked questions, but I didn't want to tell him the entire truth until he was old enough to understand."

"No," Derek said, his pulse racing and his anger going out of control, "this is unacceptable. I had a right to know."

After another shake of his head, he walked briskly over to his car without a backyard glance. He slammed the car door closed after he got in and sped off into the night. Meredith still stood silently in the front yard, stunned by what had just happened. She was back in her house with her friends and her son, but she had never felt more alone.


	7. Old Habits Die Hard

**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and its characters do not belong to me.

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay in updating! Thanks so much for your patience!

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**Chapter 7: Old Habits Die Hard**

Meredith walked slowly back inside the house, quietly closing the door behind her. Everything kept changing way too quickly. Derek was with her just a moment ago, and then he was gone. After tucking Patrick into bed, she shuffled into the kitchen, her mind still reeling with the night's events.

She rummaged through the liquor cabinet, making more noise than was necessary. Although raising her son that caused her to adopt much more responsible behavior, she felt like indulging. Derek's actions were forcing her to resort to her old ways. She couldn't blame him for being upset. She knew that this would happen sooner or later, but that didn't stop her from being upset over Derek storming out.

Finding what she was looking for in the cabinet, she pulled out a mostly-full bottle of Tequila.

"This bottle has my name on it," she muttered, wiping her teary eyes with the back of her hand.

She sat down miserably at the table and took a large gulp, letting the liquid burn down her throat.

* * *

Derek used more force than was necessary to slam his foot on the accelerator. A quick glance in the rearview mirror showed him that Meredith was still standing, stunned, in front of her house. He probably could have handled that better, but this was shocking news. How could she not tell him that he had a son? It was entirely unforgivable. He fumed as he gripped the steering wheel for forcefully, wondering how on earth Meredith kept a secret like this from him for all these years.

_It was my fault though,_ Derek thought. _I drove her away. Why would she tell me after what I did to her?_

The thought made Derek's throat burn. He had a sudden, intense desire to turn around, drive straight back to Meredith's house, hold her in his arms, and tell her everything would be okay.

_But,_ he thought, _there's still the fact that I have a son who doesn't even know that I exist._

He shook his head in anger and kept steadily traveling in the same direction. He couldn't go back now; he was way too upset to be anywhere near Meredith Grey at the moment.

He made a left onto a main road and saw the sparkling, sprawling lights of Seattle Grace Hospital illuminating the night sky. He pulled into the parking lot across the street and firmly pressed his brakes near the sign that read Joe's Bar.

Derek distractedly ran his hands through his hair and slammed his car door, peering at the familiar bar that sat ever so innocently near the hospital.

* * *

Yet again, Meredith tipped the bottle of Tequila upwards. With each sip, her vision became fuzzier and her awareness became increasingly indistinct. She lost count of how much she had drunk; her thoughts were only on Derek. Derek. Her Derek. He was gone yet again.

After four years, she had a taste of him again, but only for a moment. He was back out of her life before she even had the time to process what was happening.

So far, life had been unbelievably cruel to her. She grew up with no father and a mother who continually tore her down. Her mother got Alzheimer's, leaving Meredith with absolutely no one. Then, after she met the love of her life and thought that everything is going to change for the better, his wife showed up. The love of her life got her pregnant then went back to his wife. Her overbearing mother died and her father never came back into her life.

Meredith had gotten used to being that girl who had everything crappy happening to her. She was able to heal and take comfort in Patrick. But, now that Derek had briefly come back in her life, she didn't know how long she could last like this.

Back in Boston, things were simple. Sad maybe, but they were at least simple. She had dated other guys, but she didn't have the love for any of them that she had for Derek. They all reminded her of what she used to have and what she missed, so she stopped dating.

She stopped dating and focused on two things and only two things: her son and her job. For years, that had been enough for her.

Now, though, it didn't feel like enough. As much as she loved her son and felt that she completed him, she wanted more. She needed more. More specifically, she needed Derek. She needed much more than she was ever willing to admit.

Fresh tears spilled down her face, which she wiped away impatiently, swaying slightly in her chair from all the Tequila.

There were footsteps approaching the kitchen door. Was that Derek? The person stood in the doorway, with an arm rested on its frame. Meredith squinted at the doorway, attempting to bring her vision into focus.

"Christina?" Meredith asked, still squinting in her direction. Sure enough, Christina was standing in the doorway, wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, which was wet from all her tears.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asked, clumsily placing the Tequila bottle as she slurred her words.

"I've been better," Christina responded quietly, her arms crossed and leaning against the door frame. "Was that McDreamy who was here?"

"Yep," Meredith said, running a hand through her hair. "He found out about Patrick and ran off."

"Good to hear that he's still a McBastard," Christina muttered. She plopped down at a chair next to Meredith, pried the Tequila from Meredith's fingers, and took a large, quick gulp.

"Burke is dead," Christina said despondently, setting the bottle with a clink back on the table.

"I know," Meredith said sadly, leaning her head drunkenly on Christina's shoulder.

* * *

Derek sat in the familiar bar, nursing yet another glass of single-malt Scotch. Joe asked him what was bothering him, but Derek shook his head. He was in no mood to talk about it. Silently brooding would work just fine.

Behind him, he heard the door of the bar open yet again. Instinctively, and maybe a little hopefully, he turned around.

A few nurses walked in, gossiping about the day's events. Derek sighed. Of course she wouldn't come here. Why would she come after what he said? He was being ridiculous. And he was still angry. He finished his Scotch with one gulp then motioned for Joe to bring him another one.

_No matter how angry I am,_ he thought, picking up his new glass of Scotch, _I still love her. I love her so much._


End file.
